I sometimes find my mind going over and over the moments in life that didn’t feel so good. The times I felt I fell short. The embarrassing situations. The mistakes I’ve made. The things that I could have said better or should have kept to myself.
Are you the same?
Survival is at the root of our being. It’s our beautiful, inbuilt instinct that makes sure we notice and remember difficult events and situations. It helps us to we learn to avoid them next time and we stay safe. You have a clever and protective mind/body system. Isn’t that reassuring?
The problem is, it doesn’t feel good to stay there with all these bad, sad events swishing around inside.
So, I have a suggestion.
Build your own highlights reel
You see these on TV or social media. It’s a curated selection of the ‘best bits’. Create one for yourself and visit it regularly to rebalance that natural bad news bias.
I might not be the first person to think of this, but the idea actually popped into my head when I smelled raspberry shower gel last week. It made me crazy happy. I just couldn’t stop smiling. For a time, I couldn’t work out why. Finally, it made sense. The fragrance reminded me of pyramid-shaped raspberry ice lollies! Were they called Calippos? Or Jubblys? When I was small we walked to the local common and bought one from May’s café. We’d happily sit swinging our legs, dripping sugary juice and crunching ice in the sunshine.
"Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day" ~ Dalai Lama
What would you include in your own highlights reel?
Choose one or two experiences to begin with. You can build more into your reel later on. Think of the kind of experience that makes you grin from ear to ear, something you feel right through your body to your bones.
Videos
Film might have sprung to mind because I’ve called this a ‘highlight reel’. You could have already captured moments that are perfect. Save them together in a feel-good file. You might start looking for times that you’ll add to that file. That’s beautiful – now, you’re focusing on the good stuff. Do take care to live those moments rather than experience it all through the lens of your phone. Soak up the colour in that sunset, let the music vibrate through your cells and laugh till you snort. It’s still there in your experience even if there’s no record of it – just revisit the memory regularly to keep the feeling fresh and crisp.
Pictures
We have so many photos these days! Take time to curate. Select the ones that make you smile at the memory of that moment. How about printing them out to display where you’ll see them regularly (even if they’re just stuck on the fridge). Make one your phone’s home screen or your computer screen saver.
Sounds
Music transports you. It’s amazing how a few words or notes bring a tune into your mind. If it gets you moving too, then that’s a whole extra layer of feeling good on top. It doesn’t need to be music. Sometimes ambient sounds are intertwined with experiences. It could be the crunch of dry leaves or the happy burble of a stream.
Objects and textures
Last week I was sorting out a drawer and I found a ticket to the Chalice Well gardens in Glastonbury. I clearly remember relaxing in the sunshine and listening to the birds. I’m not always a fan of Marie Kondo’s method, but I definitely agree with keeping things that spark joy.
Smells
Did you know that your olfactory bulb processes smells and sends messages directly to your limbic brain? It’s the brain area involved in emotion and memory processing. It explains why smells are such an evocative way of conjuring up an experience - as I discovered with raspberry shower gel. You may need to improvise if the fragrance of hot tar sends you to a happy place. Breathe deep.
Tastes
For me picking and eating the first strawberries of the summer is the essence of hot, lazy summer holidays. Maybe for you it’s a special meal, a single ingredient or a particular blend of spices. Slow down and savour.
Notes and memories
Don’t underestimate the power of simply revisiting memories to keep them clear and vivid. Keep a list, notes or journal to remind you of those best bits. Write down your joys and successes before the feeling fades. The physical act of writing (rather than typing) engages more parts of your brain and helps to anchor the memory. When you revisit those times, bring the memory alive with all your senses – remember the sounds, textures and, smells as well as the images in your mind.
Have fun creating a reel of your best bits. I hope it helps you surf the ups and downs of life.
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